The Most Common Reason Couples Stop Having Sexs
When you first got together, you and your partner couldn’t keep your hands off each other. You’d spend all weekend in bed, reluctantly leaving to arrive late to a social commitment you couldn’t come up with an excuse for skipping. Flash forward a year or two, and now the only action you seem to get is from the colorful collection of vibrating friends sitting in your bedside drawer. The reality is, relationships typically change once the honeymoon period is over. As you become more comfortable with each other, you may not feel the need to prioritize your relationship in the same way you did in the beginning, and the amount of I-need-you-right-now sex you two have may decrease a bit. But what do you do if you suddenly find yourself in a totally sexless relationship?
According to Dr. Dana McNeil, licensed marriage and family therapist, a sexless relationship is a situation in which the lack of sex is a problem for at least one partner. It may cause emotional distress, insecurity, or an overall dissatisfaction with the relationship as a whole.
For most people, sexual satisfaction is important to the health of a long-term relationship, but often, the biggest issue isn’t the lack of sex itself, it’s the fact that it isn’t being acknowledged. “Many partners, innocently enough, try to minimize the problem or dismiss the issue because they don’t know how to handle it or are embarrassed,” McNeil says. “This will backfire every time.” If you’re feeling some discontent in this area, here are a few tips for how to move forward, and hopefully, get back to having spicy sex on the regular.
What Are The Causes Of A Sexless Relationship?
There are a number of reasons why couples stop having regular sex, and every situation is different. According to McNeil, the most common reason for a sexless marriage or relationship is simply exhaustion from your daily routine. You get up at five, go for a run, head to work, call your mom, make dinner, and next thing you know, bam, it’s 10 p.m., and you’re knocked out on the couch. The next day, it’s the same old story.
“What typically happens is that couples get into the business of ‘being in a relationship’ versus cultivating a connection,” McNeil says. “For some, sex can begin to feel like another box to check on their to-do list. The thought of having to get their mojo on and ‘perform’ sexually loses its shine when they just worked a 10-hour shift.”
Major betrayals, resentment, or unresolved conflict can also contribute to a lack of sex and intimacy. Even little things like leaving the dishes undone or letting clean laundry stay unfolded — if left unaddressed — can fester to the point where one partner just loses interest altogether.
“Withdrawing from being intimate can start to feel like a physical shield that protects the wounded partner from experiencing too much vulnerability,” McNeil says. “Sometimes taking sex off the table can feel like a way to take back control in the relationship.”
It’s also important to note that physical injuries, certain medications, or health conditions can negatively affect your sex life. For instance, if your partner is dealing with depression (or taking medication to treat said depression), that may be causing a decrease in their libido.
How To Talk To Your Partner About The Lack Of Sex In Your Relationship
The good news is that sexless relationships aren’t doomed to stay sexless forever. But in order to bring this issue up to your partner and change the pattern, it’s important to first understand your own feelings around the matter.
According to licensed marriage and family therapist, Lesli Doares, you need to be able to identify your beliefs and expectations around sex, and the role you want it to play in the relationship. Start by doing some self-reflection. Ask yourself questions like: “Why haven’t we been having sex? Are we just too busy, or is there an underlying cause? How am I feeling about my partner right now? How important is sex to me? Is a lack of sex something I can really live with?”
Once you’re able to do that, you can have an open and honest conversation with your partner about why the lack of sex is a problem for you. It’s crucial, however, to do so in a way that doesn’t place the blame on them, so try starting the conversation with “I” statements. For example, “I’ve noticed that we haven’t been having sex lately, and it’s making me feel distant from you.” This framing will help you keep the focus on your feelings so you can minimize the possibility of starting an argument.
Most importantly, be open to the possibility that your behaviors have contributed to the issue, too, and try to be empathetic to your partner’s point of view. “Remember that a conversation is a two-way street,” Doares says. “You also must be willing to listen to their thoughts, feelings, beliefs and expectations around it. That’s where the seeds of a solution are.” If you’ve tried to bring this up before and just ended up getting into a fight, it may be time to consider meeting with a mediator or therapist, who can help facilitate a more productive conversation.
For couples who have become very distant, McNeil suggests trying “sensate touch” to reacquaint yourselves physically. All you have to do is be present (so leave your phone in the other room) and focus on the sensation of touching your partner and being touched by them back. It’s more about intimacy and less about sex. This can help distant couples feel emotionally safe with one another again.
“The fact is that when couples haven’t been intimate in some time, there is a tendency to want to make sure they have sex that ends in a win for both,” McNeil says. “This is often unrealistic, so re-igniting a sense of familiarity, desire, connection, and intimate awareness of each other’s body again while taking sex off the table can ignite desire to return to an intimate relationship.”
When To Leave A Sexless Relationship
If you’ve had honest conversations with your partner and you’re seeing no signs of change, this could be a red flag for your relationship. According to McNeil, “A person who doesn’t show empathy, concern, compassion, or interest in taking their partner’s needs into consideration has deeper intimacy issues than just not having sex.” If your partner lashes out, gets mean or defensive, or refuses to see a therapist with you, these are signs this person might not be the right partner for you long-term.
Sometimes couples realize they’re sexually incompatible. Maybe your libidos are mismatched or your sexual needs don’t align. In that case, the most important question to ask yourself is how important is sex to you in a relationship. Is it a dealbreaker for your partner to not want sex as often as you do?
If so, then staying in a sexless relationship will only leave you feeling unfulfilled more and more as time goes on, which will inevitably create other problems down the line. Don’t be afraid to call it quits if your needs aren’t being met. Chances are, you’ll find a partner who is a much better fit for you.
The Untapped Bounty: Unlocking the Nutritional Riches of Acorns
In the tapestry of autumn’s bounty, amidst the vibrant hues of falling leaves, lies a humble, often overlooked treasure: the acorn. This modest nut, the fruit of the majestic oak tree, has nourished a wide array of creatures and cultures throughout history. Yet, in modern times, its value has been largely forgotten, overshadowed by more conventional food sources. This article aims to rediscover the acorn’s potential, not only as a sustainable food source but as a powerhouse of nutrition and health benefits. As we delve into the world of acorns, we uncover the secrets to transforming these nuts into a palatable delight, along with exploring the myriad benefits they offer. Embracing acorns in our diet is not merely a nod to our foraging ancestors but a step forward in our journey towards sustainable living and nutritional wellness.
The Nutritional and Health Benefits of Acorns
Acorns are more than just a survival food; they are a testament to nature’s abundance, offering a wealth of health benefits that deserve recognition. Here is a comprehensive list of the many virtues these nuts hold:
Rich Nutrient Profile: Acorns are a powerhouse of essential nutrients, including vitamins A and C, which are vital for immune function and skin health, respectively. They also offer a good dose of B vitamins, crucial for energy metabolism and brain health.
Mineral-Rich: These nuts are a source of important minerals such as potassium, which regulates blood pressure; calcium, essential for bone health; and magnesium, necessary for over 300 biochemical reactions in the body.
High in Fiber: With a high fiber content, acorns can aid in digestion, helping to prevent constipation and promoting a healthy gut. Fiber is also key for maintaining a healthy weight and lowering the risk of heart disease.
Antioxidant Properties: Acorns contain antioxidants that help combat oxidative stress and may reduce inflammation, lowering the risk of chronic diseases like heart disease, diabetes, and cancer.
Heart Health: The unsaturated fats in acorns can contribute to a healthy heart by lowering bad cholesterol levels and potentially reducing the risk of heart disease.
Gluten-Free Alternative: Acorn flour offers a gluten-free alternative for baking and cooking, making it an excellent option for those with gluten sensitivities or celiac disease.
Energy Boosting: Being energy-dense, acorns can provide a sustained release of energy, making them an excellent addition to an active lifestyle.
Sustainable Food Source: Foraging for acorns encourages a connection with nature and promotes a sustainable approach to food, reducing reliance on processed and imported goods.
Cultural and Historical Significance: Incorporating acorns into modern diets honors the traditions of many indigenous and ancient cultures for whom acorns were a staple food, fostering a deeper appreciation for our natural world and its history.
Versatile Culinary Uses: From flours to oils, acorns offer a versatile base for a variety of culinary creations, enabling the exploration of new flavors and textures in cooking and baking.
Economic Advantage: Foraging acorns can offer economic benefits, reducing grocery bills and fostering self-sufficiency.
Weight Management: The combination of fiber, healthy fats, and protein in acorns can help in feeling fuller longer, aiding in weight management efforts.
The benefits of acorns extend far beyond their nutritional value, encompassing environmental sustainability, economic savings, and a reconnection with nature’s rhythms. As we turn to the practical aspects of harvesting and preparing acorns, we embark on a journey not just to rediscover an ancient food source but to embrace a lifestyle that values the bounty nature provides. Stay tuned for the next segment, where we will explore how to unlock the edible potential of acorns, ensuring they can be enjoyed safely and deliciously.
Harvesting and Selecting Acorns
The first step in utilizing acorns is gathering them, a task best undertaken in the early autumn when they are ripe and plentiful. Look for acorns that are firm, without any holes or cracks, as these imperfections may indicate the presence of insects or rot. Green acorns are immature and should be left to ripen, while those that are brown and detach easily from their caps are ready for use. It’s a sustainable practice to gather from the ground, leaving enough acorns for wildlife and the regeneration of the oak forest.
Processing Acorns to Remove Tannins
Shelling: Begin by removing the acorns from their shells. This can be done manually or with the aid of a nutcracker. It’s a labor-intensive step but crucial for accessing the nut meat within.
Leaching Out the Tannins: The most critical step in making acorns edible is leaching out the tannins, which are compounds that give raw acorns their bitter taste and can be harmful in large quantities. There are two primary methods for leaching: cold and hot leaching.
Cold Leaching: This method involves soaking the shelled acorns in cold water. The water should be changed when it becomes discolored, approximately every 12 to 24 hours, until the water remains clear, indicating that the tannins have been removed. This process can take several days to a week, depending on the acorn variety.
Hot Leaching: Hot leaching is faster than cold leaching but requires more active management. Boil the acorns in water, and change the water when it turns dark, repeating this process until the water remains mostly clear. This method can remove the tannins in a matter of hours.
Drying: After leaching, the acorns need to be dried to prevent mold and prepare them for grinding. Spread the acorns on a baking sheet and dry them in an oven at a low temperature, in a dehydrator, or air-dry them in a sunny, well-ventilated area.
Making Acorn Flour
Once dried, the acorns can be ground into flour using a food processor, blender, or hand grinder. The resulting flour should be stored in an airtight container in a cool, dry place or frozen for extended storage. Acorn flour can be used as a substitute for traditional flours in baking, offering a nutty flavor and nutritional boost to bread, pancakes, and other baked goods.
Incorporating acorns into our diets is a journey back to the roots of human sustenance, a nod to the wisdom of our ancestors who relied on the natural world for their dietary needs. This journey is not just about adding a new ingredient to our pantry but about embracing a deeper connection with nature, understanding the cycles of growth and renewal, and appreciating the abundance that surrounds us. As we integrate acorns into our meals, we partake in a tradition that spans centuries and cultures, celebrating the oak tree’s gift and its enduring significance to both the environment and our health. Let the humble acorn inspire you to explore, innovate, and appreciate the simple, yet profound, pleasures of foraging and feasting from the land.
